What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 26.06.2025 23:59
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
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I was very sick at this time too.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She was in good health!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
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I waited trembling.
But, we were locked up after school.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She married twice! .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
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And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
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But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I think the readers, may guess!
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It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
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He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Especially a lifetime of it.
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He was dying to do it , i knew.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
In your humble opinion, why does the narcissist mistake kindness for weakness in some people?
As i do to all so called friends.?
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Why does everyone hate Ed Sheeran so much?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
One cannot live in the past .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Is it possible for the U.S. government to get rid of the constitution for national safety?
She wouldn,t have been !
My life is so biszare .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
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I of course replied” arh beautiful!
It was going to be , some day.
What did i know ?
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I write beautiful poetry .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But ive been too sick for many years..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Im still living with it.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
All the time i was locked up.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
We all went to grammer schools
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
This is soul school!.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I said to her
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Who then, do I blame.?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
She found it foreign!.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Comes on , in middle age.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I could never make a relationship work though!
When she asked me how she looked .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I don,t even have a pension.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I was scared of men, in general
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
And i lived it daily.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
So whats the point in blame.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
And who doesn’t know suffering?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I was seconnd youngest,
Would this be the day?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I never cut or harmed myself..
So, i spoilt her more .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Ive learnt so much.
I have no regrets .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
(And it was in our own minds.)
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
But it wasn’t much.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Was to survive, this bastard.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
My family never makes their pension either.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I will be 64.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I was 9 years of age.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
We were not on the streets..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
He knew the spot.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Put me off passion for life!!
She loved him until the end.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He resisted the act ,that day.